Secret desires...!!!

Secret desires....for some they are secret for ever for some they exist only in dreams, for some they do not exist and for some they get to live'em.

For me, it was not that I was afraid of your touch but someday if you'll stop, i would never desire to be touched again by someone else. Let the scars on my heart remind me all the time that I have loved you selflessly and forgiving.

Stop smiling now, I know you are smiling while reading this and if you continue doing so, you will kill me, the secret is, I stop breathing when you look at me with those deep, intense eyes and smile.

Everything in this world is so small and little, the only thing big is " Desire"

"My secret desire is to be loved by you.....forever n ever n ever.....!!!"

Pic credit: as ever, Location : Holy Ganges at Rishikesh, Uttarakhand

"तुम,

 यूँ, अचानक, आज, यहाँ...

 एक अरसा गुज़र गया

 तुम से मिले हुए,

 मुझे तो अब याद नहीं

 पर क्या तुम भी भूल गए

 उस समय के कुछ क़िस्से थे

 वो भी सब फ़िज़ूल गए...

 क्या करोगे अब जानकर

 कि कैसी हूँ मैं ?

 बहुत अरसा हुआ

 खुद के बारे में

 बातें किये हुए

 सुनना चाहते हो तो सुनो

 अब मुझे क्या पसंद है,

 मुझे अब भी पसंद हैं

 बारिशें, समुन्दर में उठती गिरती लहरें

 तारों भरा आसमान, चांदनी रातें,

 ऊंचे, घने देवदार, बर्फ के पहाड़

 चहकती चिडियांएं, मुस्कुराते चेहरे

 अच्छी किताबें और कॉफ़ी का प्याला,

 ढलता हुआ सूरज, पुराने गाने

 पर इन सब से ज़्यादा

 आज भी, मुझे पसंद है

 इस तहरीर का पहला लफ्ज़..."

"Translation:

"You,

Suddenly, here, today....!!

It's been ages,

when we met last...

I have missed so much of that time

But have you also forgotten,

The time, we spent 

Memoirs from that period,

All is gone and missed....

Why? you want to know

How am I now.... 

It's been ages, 

I haven't

Spoken about me

Still, if you wish to listen

Hear me, what I like now

I still love

Rains, the waves in the sea

a sky full of stars, moonlit nights,

Tall, dense, Deodar trees,

snowy mountains,

chirping birds, happy faces,

Good books & cup of coffee,

Sun sets and ol' music

But, what I still love most,

is the first word, of this Poem...."

 

Becasue I lost Myself to Someone I love...!!!

It's been almost an hour and I am still staring at this screen, don't know where to start from or what to write. I have completely lost the rhythm and track of what and how.  It;s been almost 10 months and I haven't wrote a single blog, not only blog actauly I have not written any poem. Life is suddenly keeping me so busy all the time.

But today, I thought, enough is enough and I should spare few minutes to pen down. After all it's always about Love.

I will never ever tell our love story, because like all the real love stories, it will die with us, as it should. Today, I remember the time, when your name was just a name that rolled without thought of my tongue, but then look at me now, I feel scared whispering it silently to myself, the name with which I played so carelessly, so easily, has become sort of sacred to my lips.

You, My Love, You are mine!!
Someone should have told me to capture every second & every night. Because now I’m sitting here alone and it’s getting really hard to breath because tears are growing in my throat and they want to break out, but people will start watching and questioning and I just want to be somewhere silent  somewhere still. But still I don’t want to be alone because I’m scared and lonely and I don’t understand most of this feeling.

Because I was alone my whole life, My whole life; I was so damn lonely and I was content with that
because I liked myself and my own company and I didn’t need anyone I thought; But then there was you .. ...

So, someone should have told me that love is for those few brave who can handle the unbearable emptiness, the unbearable guilt and lack of oneself.

Because I lost myself to someone I love, and I might not get myself back, but I am happy that you are there my Love like an old wine....!!!

"Be in love, live in love....it's as lovely as an old Wine!!!

"The Lonely Moon" Pic credit: My husband, Location: Somewhere in Himachal Pradesh

" घुप स्याह , काली रात है

  और चाँद उदास बैठा है 

  मैं, बैठी हूँ तनहा

  इस वीराने में,

  और तू एक मज़हबी

  मेरे साथ बैठा है....

  तेरा वज़ूद ही

  मेरे इश्क़ का फरमान है

  मेरे जाम के साये में छुपकर

  मेरी मुहोब्बत बैठी है

  तुझसे मिलने की तलब में

  हूँ बेकरार,

  लेकिन देखो तो,

  शायद, मेरी बेबसी की आह में

   वफ़ा की आस बैठी है..."

 Translation:

"It's a pitch dark night
and the Moon is so sad
I am lonely and desserted
And you are the one
Sitting with me....
Your existence Is my Love
Which is hiding in my own shadow
I am eager to feel you
To meet you,
But look, May be
My helplessness
Is hoping for a Miracle...."